


It's Spring (at the Han River)

by eatmiantiao



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mapo bridge, bobby is like a savior, bobby is protective, chanwoo and hanbin might be jerks at times, han river, jinhwan and donghyuk are student council asf, junhoe is actually so sweet, junhoe is adopted, junhoe's can draw, junhoe's family is trash, junhoe's poetic as hell, mama jinhwan, misunderstood junhoe, spring is good and bad, they bond over cartoons, yeijin is horrible to junhoe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-10-14 20:02:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17515082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatmiantiao/pseuds/eatmiantiao
Summary: "In spring, new love comes to overshadow the ended love.  New life rises so the lives lost are numbed over.  Take me to the spring where I can live or die, my love...It's Spring at the Han River."- Koo Junhoe





	1. 一

**Author's Note:**

> "In spring, new love comes to overshadow the ended love. New life rises so the lives lost are numbed over. Take me to the spring where I can live or die, my love.
> 
> Everyone jumps at some point, don't they? Always wanting and always needing, never getting the voice to free them. It's always a pain always a game because they are trapped on this spring day.
> 
> Give Spring enough time. In Spring new experiences bring you out of your sadness to try and mask the past. Take my hand... Take my hand please because you've taken me out of my Spring. This is not a farce this is a story about you and your glory- yet lack thereof because you took my story. Why can't I find my euphoria because I'm trapped in this Spring? On this bridge?- Take my hand, love. Let's find the exit together.
> 
> Give Spring enough time. In Spring new experiences bring you out of your sadness to try and mask the past. Take my hand... Take my hand please because you've taken me out of my Spring. This is not a farce this is a story about you and your glory- yet lack thereof because you took my story. Why can't I find my euphoria because I'm trapped in this Spring? On this bridge?- Take my hand, love. Let's find the exit together.
> 
> It's Spring at the Han River."
> 
> \- Koo Junhoe

Spring was when the sun came peeking back ever so slowly to kiss away the winter's cold. When it's rays sunk out they would gently dust the snow from the flowers whispering support for them to blossom. Though the snow would want to stay sometimes, resisting the sun's plea to leave and let a new day begin. It was apt as someone denying a breakup and not allowing their partner to move on. Similar to a deep sadness that just won't let someone see their happiness one more time.

Junhoe's eyes glazed as he looked over the river's reflection. There were still fragments of ice on the water's surface, snow coating the benches, and railings. His breath came out in little fog as it's hot air met the cold on this early morning walk to a new school. Junhoe would have asked for a ride to school by the hand of his older sister, but she was far too busy and told Junhoe to figure it out.

At least on foot, Junhoe could look to the Han River and see how the first spring day was treating it. Both were filled with such beauty—beauty that masked pain and melancholy feelings. This bridge was where people decided their fate, especially during the spring. In a sad way, Junhoe always found himself here, just sitting over the edge with a blank gaze to the water's edge because sometimes he felt so trapped in the spring—in everything.

He tore his eyes from the body of water as his feet stepped off of the bridge and continued to carry him to the school. A new place because he had gotten kicked out of the last due to his parents' behavior since he wasn't going to class and he was being mistreated. It was truly ironic for them to try and  _stand up_  for him, of all people. They were so deluded and as detached from the reality that is Junhoe then they could have ever been. It was sad really. Gladly, Junhoe tested high and with his amazing grades and ranked in the top 5%. Junhoe didn't go to class, but that didn't mean he was stupid. The new school recognized that and immediately had Junhoe enrolled to continue his third year, the second semester there free due to scholarships.

The boy regarded the school warily. Scanning over the people who were buzzing about happily and, or despairingly. He had no friends in his last school, nor in his neighborhood, so he assumed no different here at this new school. Junhoe had always flown solo, not by choice really, but because others avoided him like the plague because he was the boy that spent his time on the Mapo Bridge, the boy who had the adoptive parents who were fucked up, the boy who was also sad, which was even more nerve-wracking because of the Mapo Bridge activities he partakes in. So many people told him he had no reason to be so depressed because he did have this family and that he was so smart. They said he was blessed, so what if the parents were assholes to him? Or the fact his sister ignored him, be grateful. Forget the sadness and be happy. A personified way of how the Spring would say forget the cold and the snow along with everything that happened in its winter.

Junhoe went into the school finally, regarding his phone to find his locker number, code, and scheduling of the day. The first class he had was homeroom, just a time to finish any breakfast or activity, which bled into history. Junhoe opened his locker, checking if anything was left and to his surprise it was spotless, so he just tossed some books and items he wouldn't need, but just as extra precautions and went to homeroom to relax. Of course, he was the first kid to arrive and so he picked a seat near the window and towards the back, the second chair from it actually. Immediately, Junhoe tidied his desk up with pens and pencils ready, notebooks piled up to the side with his own personal one open in front of him.

He took his violet pen and began to write, doodle, and scribble on the pages without a care. Though, his mind was deep in thought as he thought on what this day could mean for him. How would he allow it to play out? Would he try a different act here or would he stick to old ways?

The idea immediately went out of the window that he sat perched next to as he heard some ruckus that came into the room. Looking up from his haphazard violet flower overlaying his poem, he saw a boy with a heart-shaped face tackling another boy down before Junhoe saw his face. A shorter male with brown hair and a rather delicate face came in with a look of disapproval while another boy with blonde hair recorded with laughter. Junhoe thought there couldn't be more, but he was wrong since another two came in. One had a strong, sharp face with kind eyes and smile as he laughed at the two tussling on the floor as the other stood tall above the shortest male yelling at them jovially.

Junhoe shuffled the papers in a nervous matter, he felt so out of place. He hadn't really witnessed people acting with such playfulness in sometime—possibly because he rushed away and didn't stick around. Junhoe was very good at getting the heck out of dodge.

"Get off of the floor you two," The shortest boy scolded them lightly. Heart-shaped face by stood up and laughed a little.

"Help Jiwon up, Hanbin." The male recording with the blonde hair commanded. Junhoe's eyes narrowed now understanding that was the boy who just stood. He turned and reached down helping up the guy he tackled, but his back was to Junhoe.

"That was a rush!" This Jiwon character cheered and the tall boy standing over the shorter one cheered with him. Jiwon reached up fluffing his hair with a laugh, "Yeah Chanwoo! That's the spirit."

"Don't encourage him," The short boy with the brown hair muttered only for Jiwon's hand to fall on his head now.

"Jinhwan hyung, I have to encourage him to be the maknae he destined to be." Jiwon gave this airy laugh, Junhoe rolled his eyes at how annoying it sounded. Though he was so ready to see what he looked liked and to figure out the other boys' names.

"So, you want him to be a failure like you hyung?" The kind-eyed boy gave a smile filled with mischevious intent spoke up and Jiwon scoffed at him, flicking him away.

"Look at the Donghyuk and Jiwon or how I like call it the Tom and Jerry effect go." The blonde haired boy snickered only for Donghyuk to turn around and poke him in the chest, precisely on his nipple. The blonde gapped at him, holding his chest and lowered his phone.

"Your nipples still that sensitive Yunhyeong hyung? I thought you'd grow out of that." Hanbin teased a little only for Yunhyeong to wave a dismissive hand.

"Don't talk to me until you don't watch the Sound of Music for fun." Yunhyeong reminded and Hanbin's neck started having red creep up it.

"You still watch the Sound of Music, me too!" Donghyuk cheered. "Only the smart ones do—"

"Guys," Jinhwan cleared his throat, his eyes jumped back and forth at Junhoe then to his friends. Junhoe quickly looked back down into his notebook and kept drawing more purple flowers, ones that would soon blossom to greet the Spring.

"What?" They all asked Jinhwan who cleared his throat.

"There's a kid in here." Jinhwan yanked his chin towards Junhoe and they all turned. Junhoe didn't look up whatsoever, but he felt their eyes.

"I've never seen him before. I'm on the Student Council! I would know if there's a new kid." Donghyuk whined about his lack of information.

"Well, that kid's new, like it or not. And right before spring break too." Hanbin muttered and they all looked to one another, "Kind of strange."

"Hanbin, he can hear you!" Jinhwan hissed giving a hard smack to the boy's chest. Hanbin coughed a little holding his chest from the blow. "Let's just go say hi."

"We have to, he's in our spot." Chanwoo scoffed lightly.

Junhoe's heart pounded hearing them come closer. His pen began to move erratically, the lines were making no sense, but they were pretty and somehow uniform. Junhoe stopped his hand altogether once he saw the pants of the shortest friend. It was an understatement to say Junhoe was shy, he could do public speaking and presentations just fine because it was a script and it made sense to him. Human interaction didn't because he was so predestined to believe they'd treat him like his family or bullies, which was a wide arrange of people.

"Ahem," Jinhwan cleared his throat and then someone knocked on his desk. Junhoe looked up at the person to see the face he hadn't. It was strangely handsome, he had a strong rectangular jaw that went perfectly with his pillowy lips that framed these big front teeth giving such a friendly and goofy smile. His eyes were kind of small, but they glittered with a smile and a laugh as if there was a joke Junhoe and he shared secretly. His hair was by far the best thing ever, the honey brown locks tried to come forward to cover his eyes, but they were too short. Junhoe knew that couldn't be his natural hair color and that his hair could be so much longer. He was possibly one to experiment with it. The guy was big, muscular and fit. Just the motion of him knocking on Junhoe's desk caused for a ripple of veins to expose themselves along his forearm.

His face screamed 'be friendly to me' and 'you should like me' because there was no way he didn't like you. Though his body offsetted that with this tough vibe, it was rather daunting and he was intimidating. Even though this is Junhoe and he thought they all were rather worrying. This Jiwon was just extra intimidating.

"Hi," Jiwon beamed at Junhoe who just shuddered at how imperfect he was. Junhoe gulped as the Jinhwan, the oldest Junhoe had assumed, patted his shoulder to Junhoe's dismay.

"Hey, you're new right?" Jinhwan asked. Junhoe shook his hand from his shoulder as he nodded.

"I am, I kind of wanted to keep it quiet. And please, don't touch me—not because of you, but just—"

"No, I understand. You don't know me." Jinhwan laughed softly. "It just confused me and my friend, Donghyuk, because we're on the Student Council and we usually know those things."

"Sorry to confuse." Junhoe blinked and Yunhyeong cleared his throat.

"Did you catch our names over there?" Yunhyeong asked and Junhoe nodded.

"I sure did Yunhyeong... hyung, do I call you hyung?" Junhoe softly questioned, he's never actually used many honorifics except to his sister because she's the only person he's ever really talked to on a normal basis.

"When's your birthday?" Hanbin asked.

"Please be younger than me!" Chanwoo begged suddenly.

"I was born in '97." Junhoe rubbed his face. Jiwon laughed at Chanwoo who pouted deeply.

"I was '98! So, close!"Chanwoo grumbled.

"We're chingu!" Donghyuk chirped and Junhoe just nodded being affronted by all the positivity radiating off of this character. Junhoe couldn't keep up.

"Well, I'm your hyung! And my hyungs are your hyungs!" Hanbin teased as he gestured to the others. Junhoe looked them all over nervously and nodded again.

"Shut up, Hanbin. He's shy," Jinhwan squatted down and tilted his head. "What's your name?"

"Koo Junhoe." This was new to Junhoe, but he was willing even if his poor heart was beating out of his chest. His fidgeted with his pen nervously as he looked around at them. "If you want me to mov—"

"No, you're okay," Yunhyeong assured and Junhoe watched them fill in the seats around him. Jiwon got behind Junhoe, which was possibly so nerve-wracking. Though, he had the contrast of a focused and friendly Donghyuk in front of him— even if Jiwon and Hanbin would talk.

"It's nice to meet you, Junhoe." Jiwon had suddenly said and he just nodded.

"Right back at you guys." Junhoe sighed.

The morning went without much of a hitch.  The teacher called Junhoe up in front of the class, so he could introduce himself to the other students. A lot of them were disengaged and didn't spare their time or energy to hear Junhoe squeak out a hello let alone a year of birth. Though it was no different than his old school except there were some friendly faces— even if he was still on the fence about them or the premise of having friends.

Quickly lunch rolled around after classes. Junhoe has gotten separated from most of the group except Donghyuk and Chanwoo really.  They were both in his more advanced classes it seemed.  Usually, Junhoe was the type to sit outside, but it was quite cold out, so instead, he took a spot towards the back by the window again to see how the Spring was treating the environment. 

Junhoe's eyes locked onto a tree reaching towards the sky, the snow that was once using its leaves to laze about and cover the branches were slowly melting off into puddles on the ground.  The trees would soon look brand new and not like their past selves.  Junhoe wishes he could be new too, but that wasn't possible— there was no such thing as a rebranding for humans at least that's Junhoe's belief.

"Yo." A voice to familiar called as someone came sitting down beside Junhoe.  Immediately he could guess who it was by the feel of his arm brushing against Junhoe's.  He looked over, now broken from his trance from the Spring, to see Jiwon.

"Hi, Jiwon hyung," Junhoe whispered. "How may I help you?"

"Call me Bobby.  And you're fine, I was just coming to sit with you."  Jiwon— no,  _Bobby_ said with a grin.

"Oh." Junhoe perked up a little. "Thank you."

"Mhm." Bobby nodded turning to his bowl of ramen and began digging in.  Junhoe looked at him warily and then back at the window.  "You should eat." Bobby stumbled out as he slurped up a mouthful of his dish.

"Yeah, Yeah..." Junhoe looked down to his fried rice and began to eat.  This could be all he has today, he wasn't sure.

After some time, the others began to come over and the table became lively, well minus Junhoe from that factor.  He just observed.  They were all such good friends, he noticed.  Their dynamics fed off of each other's energy along with having small little habits. Like Hanbin was touchy, his hands, if not used to eat, were groping at Bobby's hands or fidgeting with Jinhwan's fingers.  Yunhyeong was feeding Donghyuk and Chanwoo who put up affront for him not to, but they secretly loved being pampered by their hyung.  Jinhwan was the wise one giving them advice and tending to them each other this caring hand that could get heavy quick with a need to scold them as if they were his own kids.  If they had a sharp tongue his was deadly, if they cussed about someone or something he cursed them, if they made fun of him he would laugh and find his own blackmail.  And Bobby, well Bobby was the mood maker, the clown, the goof, but the all-around kind and lovable guy.  Though Junhoe also learned he had a very tough edge due to some fights he's been in because of certain things.  So, he wasn't a pushover.

Junhoe couldn't be with them, he knew that.  He would ruin their dynamic and they were happy— no one happy wanted someone so sad around them.

"Junhoe! Tell us about you!" Donghyuk piped up. "You're so smart and literate— we  _know_ those things, but what makes Koo Junhoe him?"

Junhoe's eyes got wide as their eyes trained on him and he looked back down to his remaining food.  He moved his spoon through his fried rice nervously as he thought

"Okay, too much... What's your favorite show?  That's easy." Jinhwan softly smiled, there was that caring hand.  Though it didn't ease Junhoe because he didn't watch much television and people were rather rude to him about the show he liked.

"I like watching The Notebook." Hanbin shrugged. "I also loved I'm Not a Robot."

"My favorite show is like Mr. Robot, the American show," Chanwoo spoke up. "Real stuff, cool stuff."

"Wow, so articulate." Yunhyeong rolled his eyes nudging Chanwoo. "Good Doctor, not the American one."

"Yunhyeong and I are the same person sometimes." Jinhwan laughed a little.

"Hwarang," Donghyuk stated and Junhoe's eyes light up just a bit.

"That was very good." Junhoe nodded and Chanwoo scoffed.

"Such a pansy show," Chanwoo muttered.

"Shut up." Donghyuk nuzzled him in mock anger.  Junhoe's throat locked up a little, so he quickly looked away to Bobby who looked pondering and thoughtful.

"I like a lot of American shows and a lot of dramas... I don't have just one favorite show.  Though... you might think it's stupid, but I have a childhood stuffed bear, Winnie the Pooh.  I got joy from watching that show, I still do." Bobby grinned as Junhoe just smiled at him.

"Lame," Chanwoo called out getting flicked by Bobby who just laughed.

"Well... I don't have the pleasure of watching television a lot, but I really... really like this show named Steven Universe."  Junhoe said it softly as he waited.

"It's that cartoon with the boy and the space aliens right?" Hanbin asked with a raised brow.

"The one for babies?" Chanwoo tilted his head and Junhoe just wanted to fall over.  All of the confidence they had built up to get him to confide in them, gone because of something like that.  Was Junhoe silly?  Possibly, but it was like he was always dogged on for his interests.

"Hey, don't say that," Bobby responded to Chanwoo. "I heard it's a pretty cool show.  I mean, it's gotta be if someone as awesome as Junhoe takes the time to watch it."

"Animated shows are just for babies.  You don't even watch Winnie the Pooh anymore because your not a baby." Chanwoo continued his whining and complaining. "And anyway, why watch something that's fake and drawn when you can watch something real and not for kids?"

"You watch Mr. Robot, you play video games, and you watch YouTube religiously.  Dude, you can't talk." Bobby laughed then it dropped. "Don't keep it up."

"Okay, Okay.  _Fine._ " Chanwoo sighed as Donghyuk laughed at him a little.

"He tried to warn you," Donghyuk responded.

"Mm... I think I'll be going first, yeah?" Junhoe stood up to their dismay.

"Hey, you don't have to go—"

"No, I, uh, I just am done and I would like to go to the library now." Junhoe bowed his head and left, throwing out his food without a second look back. 

"I blame you." Jinhwan looked to Chanwoo.

"What did I do?"

Junhoe did, in fact, check out the library where he stayed for his free period and then his last class came quickly.  The end of the day was finally here and Junhoe could leave because his mom was picking him up.  And he didn't see anything wrong with having to stand there and wait until he finally called after another hour.

"Your father and I won't be back home for at least the rest of the week." His mother's voice ring into his ear.  Junhoe stood at the side of the stairs, looking to the grass under his feet.

"What do you mean?" Junhoe asked softly. "Mom, my first day of school wasn't the greatest and I feel so—"

"Junhoe, I have problems too, okay? No one cares about your little hormonal feelings." She snakes at him and Junhoe's fist tightened as he took a breath.

"Who's supposed to get me? I don't have money for a subway or a bus.  Yeijin already told me not to even bother her.  What am I supposed to do, walk back home?"

"You walked this morning, didn't you?"  His mother's cold voice questioned and Junhoe rubbed his arms.

"The temperature is dropping, it'll be so bad and—"

"I guess you better start walking then huh?" Her voice had such a mocking tone in it.

"Mom,  _please,_ " Junhoe whispered. "I've been standing in the cold for an hour, waiting for you,  _any of you._ "

"Too bad."  Was all she said as the phone clicked off.  Junhoe felt the hot tears in his eyes, he turned away from the front doors as he shoved the heels of his hands to his eyes trying to stop his tears.

"First, I get ignored by Yeijin and told to figure it out.  Second, I walk here in the cold morning.  Third, I meet some people who I can't be friends with.  Fourth, I get ridiculed by people at every point. Fifth, I wait, I fucking wait for  _her_ because she's my mother and she's supposed to care for her son.  _And it's the first day of spring._   It's the first day of spring and I just want to go to the Han River and ju—"

The click of the front doors sounded in Junhoe's ears causing him to try and wipe any evidence of vulnerability from his eyes.  It was futile though because he was bursting from his seams.  This was all too much for him.

"June-ya?" Bobby's voice was all he heard, the boy came down the stairs to Junhoe's side with a worried expression, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he leaned back with concern.

"He's not here." Junhoe cried softly and he hears the velvety chuckle come from Bobby.

"What is it? First day wasn't too good?" Bobby asked now with a tilted head and Junhoe sniffled a little.

"You could say that." Junhoe sighed looking up.  Bobby gave a sad smile to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I was helping student council with the music room and then I had a club meeting.  Played some games, ya know the usual." Bobby clicked his tongue then twitched his lip, "Why are you still here... outside?"

"I thought my mom was coming to get me... She's not." Junhoe whispered. "Now I have to walk home."

"You don't have a hat or gloves..." Bobby's eyes grew soft with empathy.  He took his gloves off and reached for Junhoe's.  Of course, Junhoe gave him a wary look but gave him his hands to which Bobby took in a sharp breath. "You're freezing."

"Don't worry abo..." Junhoe's voice trailed as Bobby took his own gloves and put them on Junhoe's hands.  They were so warm inside and so big.  Bobby then took his own hat off and put it on Junhoe.  He was speechless rendered that way by both the shock and the warmth. 

"I have extras." Bobby smiled putting a hat on and some gloves from his duffel bag. 

"Thank you." Junhoe pulled his hands to his chest wiping his last tears. "This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

"I'm guessing not many people have done nice things for you." Bobby sighed a little and Junhoe gave a sheepish smile.

"I'll be on my way then," Junhoe muttered and turned away from him to begin his trek home only for Bobby to get by his side.

"I'm headed the same way.  I'll come with." Bobby mused and Junhoe looked to him confused.

"But, you have a bus pass?" Junhoe asked softly and Bobby nodded.

"Though, I can't use it for two people.  I'd have to upgrade it to put more people on it.  So, I'll walk with you." Bobby summed up and Junhoe looked at him with wide eyes as they began.

"You don't have to." Junhoe looked down to the ground as a weird sensation came in his chest.

"I just want to.  This gives me an excuse to get to know you." Bobby chuckled. "And to see where you live."

"Stalker," Junhoe laughed outright.  He covered his mouth now, surprised at himself.  He hasn't laughed in some time.

"Harsh," Bobby snorted at him. "I'm just trying to see you home safe."

"Yeah, whatever." Junhoe rolled his eyes as they fell into a comfortable silence.  It was when they stepped onto the bridge when Bobby opened up to speak.

"Chanwoo didn't mean it." Bobby sighed. "The kid just doesn't know how to be considerate at times.  And you're new, ya know?  He's trying to see how he can become comfortable with you, but he took it too far."

"It's fine... It's just a show." Junhoe whispered and Bobby shook his head.

"Winnie the Pooh isn't just my stuffed animal.  He's my friend.  Something from my older brother." Bobby looked over at Junhoe who just nodded. "You light up talking about it. It means something to you."

"Maybe it shouldn't." Junhoe stopped and looked over the edge of the bridge.  Stopping by the quote that read 'did you like today'.  He sighed shaking his head as he climbed up on the railing.

"Hey, we can talk it out." Bobby rushed over, but Junhoe just looked over to the water and sighed as he dropped his head on the surface.  The cold bit at his skin, the water on the railing soaking his cheek in a wet kiss that the spring started, but won't finish until tomorrow. 

"It's spring," Junhoe whispered.

"Doesn't feel like it, does it?" Bobby gently put his hand on Junhoe's back.  Junhoe shook his head.

"It doesn't," Junhoe whispered. "Though... it is." His eyes trailed down the line to see a pair of black shoes just sitting there. "It's already here and we know it.  Though it won't show until it's too late."

"Let's get you down and home," Bobby muttered and Junhoe got down with a nod.

"Sorry," Junhoe mumbled and Bobby shrugged.

"Hey, I'm getting to know you, aren't I?" Bobby smiled at Junhoe and for some reason, he felt warm.  Maybe it was the gloves he gave him or the hat on his head, but it wasn't on the outside where he felt this warmth, but he felt it inside where it felt like putty in his chest and stomach.  For some reason, Junhoe wasn't scared that this guy would ditch him now.  If anything he felt rather safe.

"I think I'm going to watch Winnie the Pooh when I get home." Junhoe crossed his arms with a hard ball exterior making Bobby laugh out loud for no reason.  Junhoe liked that Bobby liked to laugh.

"I guess I'm going to watch Steven Universe. Heard it's good from a certain new guy even if is for babies." Bobby clicked his tongue and Junhoe shoved him playfully as they laughed on that bridge at the end of the first spring day.

"Don't make me report you, stalker," Junhoe called to Bobby in a singsong tone as they came to his apartment complex.

"I should call you the stalker, living two blocks away from me." Bobby teased back at him. standing on the wide sidewalk with his hands deep in his pockets.  Junhoe laughed again as he retreated into the building, not before turning around to look at Bobby standing there the melted snow and the glow of the streetlight surrounding him. 

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Junhoe tilted his head a little.

"Bet."


	2. 二

The snow had retreated from its refugee on the branches, grounds, and all sorts of surfaces. Even if the sun shone on them in Korea it was still a little chilly. The sun was just peeking over the buildings as Junhoe took strides out of his apartment building. Taking a pause, he took a deep breath of the fresh air and tried to shake all the bad aura that he carried from yesterday.

The second day of Spring, a second chance.

Junhoe shrugged his 'Himawari' blue and yellow backpack onto his shoulders. It was expensive, but sometimes Junhoe decided to pamper himself and that was with this adorable schoolbag. Even though other students had much more expensive and better bags, he still treasured his. Junhoe took a step forward to begin his walk to school only to freeze at the sound of snoring. His whole body went into fight mode, eyes searching with haste because Junhoe didn't want to die at 16 on a spring day, which was ironic for his past.

"Who's there?" Junhoe hissed only to have the response of a loud snore. The teen turned himself towards the sound now and immediately softened as his eyes adjusted to see it was only Bobby leaning over a mailbox with drool pooling from his mouth.  Junhoe suddenly felt ridiculous for being so afraid when it was only Kim Jiwon.  His eyes furrowed in confusion, why was he out here?  Did he have trouble at home?  Was it  _his_ fault? 

Junhoe felt shaky as he went over to Bobby.  He took into account his rather lazy fashion of sweat pants that rode too low with a zip-up hoodie with all these ludicrous cartoon characters ironed on.  His honey locks were strewn about all over his head, they had even started to curl a bite.  How could Junhoe think this guy was intimidating just a day prior?  Biting his lip, Junhoe gently poked Bobby's cheek making the older boy sputter. 

"H-Hyung?" Junhoe whispered and Bobby snorted throwing his head up making Junhoe laugh at how some of his hair was smushed and his face had the print of the mailbox. 

"What? What— who's there? Nani hyung?— Huh—" Bobby snuffed his nose into his sleeve wiping his face as he blinked rapidly. "Oh, Junhoe."

"Why were you asleep on this mailbox?" Junhoe questioned watching Bobby use the lamppost's metal as a mirror to fix himself up.  He abruptly stopped as a blush spread upon his face.

"I wasn't out here... waiting for you or anything..." Bobby scoffed and Junhoe tilted his head with a confused look.

"Why would you..." Junhoe was at a loss for words.  Nobody's waited for him,  _ever._ So, to think this borderline stranger would do that kind of made his heart flutter.

"So we can catch the bus together." Bobby hummed holding up an upgraded bus pass.  Junhoe's eyes light up at the card, a new warmth traveled through his body.  Was this what they called happiness?

The two walked to the nearest bus stop in no time.  And to Junhoe's surprise Bobby's friends were all standing and waiting with big sleepy grins. 

"We're best friends now Junhoe because my mom drove me and Jinhwan away from our house to join you on the morning commute." Donghyuk tittered as he came forward and grabbed Junhoe under the armpits to hug him tight.  Junhoe whined softly almost like a baby as he feigned disinterest in Donghyuk's hold, but secretly he loved hugs.  It reminded him of when he first felt the spring's warm air surround him.  He felt so happy only for it to be stripped away.

"Don't do that." Junhoe softly batted at Donghyuk who teased him with a scrunched up nose as he tried to nuzzle at him.  Junhoe gently laughed as he moved away and back towards Bobby who was nursing a coffee that Yunhyeong had given him.

"Coffee?" Yunhyeong held up a pink thermos to Junhoe who frowned a little as he shook his head gently. "Not a coffee person?"

"I'm more of a tea or hot chocolate kind of guy, sorry," Junhoe whispered and Yunhyeong held up his hand quickly with a face of determination.

"Chanwoo the hot water!" Yunhyeong shouted as he rushed to the grass, pouring the coffee out as Chanwoo rushed over with a big black bag. Junhoe turned away not truly interested in what the two were up to only to see a sleepy Hanbin strewn over Jinhwan.  Personally, Junhoe would have melted if he didn't hold himself to a high standard.  Hanbin was absolutely a heartthrob, a sweetheart with drool coming out of his mouth onto Jinhwan's pristine grey sweater.  Everything about him screamed crush material and Junhoe had to admit he had a small crush on Hanbin too.

"You sleep well?" Jinhwan asked Junhoe snapping him from his small fantasy world.

"As best as I could," Junhoe responded. "You guys didn't need to get up so early if we were taking the bus."

"It's our way of welcoming you." Bobby smiled to Junhoe even if his eyes weren't all the way open and he was slightly leaning.

"Welcoming me?" Junhoe whispered and a warm thermos was put into his hand with the aroma of hot chocolate hitting his nostrils.

"Yeah, into our friend group," Chanwoo muttered as he leaned into Yunhyeong who beamed at him.

"Because like it or not, we kind of enjoy you and we know you enjoy us." Donghyuk chirped and Junhoe rolled his eyes as he sipped on his hot chocolate. 

"You aren't denying it," Bobby mumbled into Junhoe's ear and he just shrugged with a small smile to himself.  Junhoe wasn't sure if this would keep up, they really didn't know him.

x

Junhoe sat in the library, perched in the window seat surrounded by colorful pillows and blankets.  It was so homey, so quiet.  His deep brown eyes watched the blue sky have its white fluffy clouds pass its canvas. 

For the most part, being the new boy at school was fine.  The first day, he had gotten looks by both boys and girls.  They're regarded him with a curious eye, some even went up to him, but Junhoe wasn't much for their desires.  So, the bullies sunk their teeth in.  And today was no different than any other.

_Junhoe was now parting ways with Donghyuk and Jinhwan.  They have conveyed for a quick talk, really for Jinhwan and Donghyuk while Junhoe just stood and watched.  They were such a unit.  Jinhwan was so caring to Donghyuk who was always so ready for Jinhwan's groping hands to brush his hair and wipe his cheeks.  It made Junhoe curios about the two._

_"We'll see you later, okay?" Jinhwan remarked to Junhoe, his eyes widen slightly as he nodded.  He watched the two put their arms around each other and he swore he saw Donghyuk kiss Jinhwan's temple.  Junhoe tightened the grip on his backpack straps and turned around to begin his trek to the library.  He stuck close to the wall, the halls were thinning fast.  For all Junhoe knew he was out of danger, so he took out his phone to check the messages his parents were bombarding him with.  He felt shaky as it was, having only a small lunch in his system and hot chocolate wasn't enough._

_Junhoe heard laughter and snickering in the halls' emptiness now.  His heart picked up as he gulped, too many times has something bad happened when he heard jovial sounds like that.  Turning his head, he made eye contact with the first boy that called him a 'stupid f—', Junhoe squinted he didn't even want to think of it._

_"How you doing beautiful?" A female voice came and suddenly Junhoe was chucked into the lockers.  Pain racked through Junhoe's body as he came down._

_"I didn't know you were into prissy boys." A boy with mint colored hair smiled at her._

_"They're so good, they don't put up a fight." The girl hummed softly as she squatted down and yanked Junhoe's head up by his hair. "Remember us?  Me?  Park Daeun.  And him...". She pointed to the boy he made eye contact with, his hair was dirty blonde and he had blue contacts in. "Jeon Byeong-Ho and..." Daeun gestured to the mint-haired boy with the deceiving innocence in his eye. "Choi Moonbin."_

_"Why are you doing this?  Got nothing better to do?" Junhoe spat as he moved his head away._

_"We just wanted to get to know the boy who likes the river.  You ever gonna take a dive?" Byeong-Ho chuckled as he pressed Junhoe up against the locker.  Junhoe wasn't one to back down from a fight, so he looked dead in his eyes taking steady breaths._

_"You'd be really cute if it wasn't for the whole asshole thing you got going on." Junhoe bit out as Moonbin and Daeun howled in laughter at their friend who turned red._

_"Don't fuck with me." Byeong-Ho scoffed as he slammed Junhoe back into the locker.  Wrinkling his brow Junhoe sucked in air, he knew vaguely of Byeong-Ho and Moonbin because Bobby said they were cool, they were on the basketball team with him.  And Daeun ran the LGBT club at their school._

_"He's mute now." Moonbin chuckled as Daeun kicked his leg._

_"Let me welcome him, boys."_

Junhoe didn't go to the nurse, he would heal himself. He didn't want to cause trouble, he didn't want this to be like last time. He had a reason to stay, right? That's what he tried to believe. It was like everything wanted to pile one on top of the other.

Junhoe couldn't catch a break.

His head gently fell to the wall as his eyes glazed over watching the branches, the leaves, and everything in between. Some leaves came off and were drifted away to a direction he only knew. His heart felt so heavy and his body ached. As he was just about to close his eyes to try and get peace, he felt a head nuzzle up against his. It was so familiar and his smell... Junhoe found himself actually giggling, even if it hurt his midsection.

"What's up?" Bobby asked as he squeezed into the window sill. Junhoe felt slightly sad when Bobby pulled his head away, but it was okay because their bodies were pressed together in such a comforting way. 

"Why would something be up?" Junhoe whispered in a hushed tone. 

"You're sitting here like a wounded puppy,"  Bobby smirked at him eyes dancing with amusement.  "It's different than your usual look."

"You barely know me." Junhoe scoffed now.

"I want to know you." Bobby pressed with a dopey grin, trying to sober Junhoe's hard exterior up.  "It's only our second day, don't play hardball with me."

"Don't you have class?" Junhoe asked with a slight bite in his tone.

"Nope, the teacher left for vacation early.  So, me and you will be hanging out for another week before break." Bobby hummed and the thought of that excited Junhoe, but it also terrified him.  His heart pounded as he suddenly felt so closed off and trapped.  All the pain ached and throbbed more now. 

"Can you give me some space?" Junhoe whispered.

"What are you talking about?" Bobby muttered reaching for Junhoe who jerked away with a whimper only knocking into the window causing the boy to hold onto himself.  "Junhoe calm down."

"You're just all in my space. You won't leave me alone." Junhoe hissed, committing to the path he was taking. This couldn't continue.

"Junhoe, I just got here. I barely have seen you after homeroom and you ate lunch so fast, calm down." Bobby responded as he reached to touched Junhoe's side making the boy just shake.

"It's been  _fun_  playing at your little friend and their friend. I can't sit here and act like you guys won't ditch me— I won't give you or any of them that chance because I'm doing it first." Junhoe hissed in a low tone.

"What are you talking about?" Bobby inquired now, leaning over with a confused look.

"Please... don't make this harder than it needs to be," Junhoe whispered. "We can't be friends."

' _We know you enjoy us.'_

"Look at me when you're trying to end something that barely even started," Bobby grumbled pulling Junhoe up. He couldn't look Bobby in the face, his head hung down as he shook his head.

"I'm not going to let you and your friends lead me on." Junhoe softly whispered, but he wouldn't cry.  Not again.  Not in front of him.

"You don't know us and we don't know you, but I know good and well we'd do so much for you," Bobby muttered as he reached to touch Junhoe again, but it was fire all over and he ached badly. "Junhoe, don't fight me on this. Give it time."

"Even if they don't like me... will you?" Junhoe bit out and Bobby softened nodding slowly.

"Of course," Bobby said in a hushed tone. "I liked you the moment I saw you."

"Can you take me to the nurse then?" Junhoe let his head fall into Bobby's chest as he heard the surprised sound.

"What?" Bobby uttered in shock.

"I fell down the stairs." Junhoe lied easily and Bobby began to laugh at him and Junhoe just laughed with him.

"Let's get you to the nurse."

It took some convincing and a lot of layered lying from Junhoe, but the nurse didn't alert the principle that Junhoe had been bullied.  She believed as did Bobby and everyone else that he fell down a hard set of stairs quite nastily.  Though the downside was she didn't let him go to his last class, but Bobby said that was what he deserved for being so clumsy.

Speaking of the meathead, he was gathering any work Junhoe missed in his last class but turns out that teacher took off for vacation early too.  As he went to retrieve Junhoe for the bell, their friends came pouring out and towards Bobby.

"What you got Junhoe's cute bag for?" Donghyuk chirped as he took it with a fond smile.

"He's in the nurse, I went to see if he had work but turns out teacher left already.  So, I started talking to some other people—you know Byeong-Ho and them, a strange bunch." Bobby hummed making Jinhwan flick him.

"How many times have I told you not to talk to them?" Jinhwan scolded making Bobby laugh.

"Too many. C'mon, they're not that bad," Bobby defended and Hanbin, who was also on the basketball team, nodded in agreement.

"Aggressive and a little intimidating, but none the less pretty cool," Hanbin muttered.

"Anyways, I should really get back to Junhoe.  Maybe we'll go out or something," Bobby suggested to them.

"Let's go to that pizza place!" Yunhyeong exclaimed, "To welcome our new friend and celebrate his first two days that have finished.

"Weird that he started on a Thursday..." Chanwoo sighed then cleared his throat, "You guys don't get a weird vibe from Junhoe?"

"Chanwoo, c'mon you already made fun of him for what he enjoys to watch—and I watched it, pretty damn good.  Anyways, don't start saying stuff like that without proof," Bobby huffed and Chanwoo crossed his arms.

"I just mean... he came here late in the second semester.  He won't really say why the school didn't announce it... And he always seems—well— not  _happy_ ," Chanwoo whispered. 

"All of that is his business," Jinhwan spoke up and Bobby took a deep breath.

"Well, this pizza place will be a great way for you guys to get to know him.  And me too." Bobby declared, "Let's get to know him."

 x

Junhoe's eyes glazed as he looked towards the scenery outside of the pizza parlor.  It was a quiet place looking over the Han River.  The water moved unbothered and with no signs of defilement.  The Yeouido Hangang Park crowd was thin most people were spending their time elsewhere because the surfaces were still rather slick with melted snow.  

He didn't know why he agreed to go out with these boys, he barely had any money.  Maybe it was because he wasn't ready to go home to an empty and foodless home.  Possibly, just possibly, he really did want to be their friend.  Junhoe wasn't too sure.  

"I want to get the large pizza, will you buy it for me, Binnie?" Donghyuk asked Hanbin as Jinhwan pointed to a thing of fries.

"Will you get this for us, Bin?  We can all share it,"  Jinhwan continued their plea.  Hanbin sighed as his face burned red with a blush.  Junhoe was still unsure about those three, but there was an underlying feeling there.  Junhoe was sure of it.

"You know, I'd do anything for you two,"  Hanbin hummed in delight.  Junhoe opened his wallet now, checking to see what he had, but sighed seeing a five.  That wasn't enough for anything, at least not here.

"Hey," Bobby whispered making Junhoe jump.

"Yah!" Junhoe sighed and looked to him, "Aigoo ya... Yes, hyung?"

"I can pay for whatever you want," Bobby suggested and there was that weird sunshine that lights up within Junhoe's heart as he looked at Bobby who grinned to him.  

"I couldn't allow it, please don't," Junhoe whispered, but Bobby shook his head.

"Think of it as the first time of many 'I owe you, you owe me and now we're in debt to each other' kind of friend things," Bobby teased and Junhoe softened at his smile. 

"Can I just get a small cheese and salad?" Junhoe whispered.

"A medium, french fries, and a salad," Bobby nodded, "got it."

"Bobby—" Junhoe stopped as Bobby ruffled his hair.  This guy was letting on more than he knew.  Junhoe sighed as the server came around putting their drinks down them taking their orders.  Junhoe's stomach growled in anticipation making him hide his face from Bobby who gave him a knowing smile.

"So, Junhoe!" Yunhyeong piped up and Junhoe looked at him and the rest expectantly. 

"How were your first two days?" Donghyuk asked.

"They were okay," Junhoe answered with a nod.

"And next week is our last week before spring break!" Jinhwan cheered and Junhoe nodded with a grin.

"What are you going to do?" Hanbin asked and Junhoe opened his mouth to answer, but he stopped and sighed.  He couldn't tell them that, no.  So, he changed it up.

"I'll probably be around here at the park," Junhoe whispered when truthfully he'd be on that bridge, he dreaded this spring so far and wanted nothing more to do with it.

"Not on the bridge right?  We think people who go up there just to be up there are pretty strange," Chanwoo exposed.

"Chanwoo, now, that's not true.  It's just not many people enjoy just walking that bridge for the sake of it," Donghyuk corrected and Junhoe felt a heavy heart.

"I...I'm one of those people," Junhoe whispered. "The kind that walks the bridge just to see the river."

"Not the quotes?" Yunhyeong questioned and Junhoe could feel their opinions changing, their awkward shuffles and looks of pity.

"No, I hang out on the bridge because it's comforting," Junhoe admitted and it was like everything stopped.  Jinhwan looked about trying to make sense of things, reaching to tap on his friends to make them snap out of their judgemental looks—all, but Bobby who tilted his head curiously. 

"So, you're a weirdo?" Chanwoo leaned forward, "One of those people who'll sooner or later just jump, right?  That's the only explanation, you're going to kill you—"

"Chanwoo, that's enough!" Bobby yelled, but the damage was done.  Soft crying could be heard from Junhoe as the tears came.  He stood and climbed out over Bobby and Hanbin as he rushed to put his jacket on.  He haphazardly put the gloves and hat on as he tried to steady himself, but he couldn't.

"Don't leave, we just...what's so bad that you want to di—  Just be happy, it—"

"Hanbin, shut up!" Jinhwan yelled and Junhoe looked them over with tears as he shook his head.

"It was nice knowing you guys for two days, I understand." Junhoe hiccuped as he ran out.  Bobby stood up trying to push past Hanbin, but Junhoe was gone.

"I told you—"

"You guys are insufferable," Bobby huffed as he held his hands in fists.

"What did I do?" Donghyuk yelled.

"You sat there and gawked as if you've never dealt with this.  Chanwoo, how fucking dare you and Hanbin, really?  Just be happy?  I should beat your ass." Bobby ranted and they flattered.

"What are you gonna do, he's gone," Chanwoo scoffed. "Maybe it's better this way."

"You kno—"  

"Food's here," The waiter muttered, absentminded to their quarrel as he put the food down.  Bobby pointed to his and Junhoe's order. 

"I need these to go."

Junhoe was on the other side of the railing now.  His glassy eyes stared to the water with deep sobs and sniffles.  How could he think they'd be any different?  In what world would anyone accept someone like Junhoe?  

His body ached, his heart hurt, and his stomach was empty.  He felt so lightheaded and dead inside.  For some reason, they hurt more than anyone else has ever.  Especially their stares of judgment.  It hurt Junhoe's core and he didn't understand why.

"Why?  Why have I been forsaken like this?  Why couldn't I have lied?" Junhoe cried to himself as he squatted down, his gloved hands were gripping onto the railing as he shook in fear and sadness.  His socked feet hurt from the concrete ledge that he stood on gingerly, his shoes sat on the other side, so that maybe someone would notice his disappearance. 

Junhoe stood up now, taking a breath.  He was ready, he would let the spring's darkness win.  He leaned forward and—

"I can't lose you," Bobby's voice came, his warm hands held onto Junhoe's.  The two stared at each other now, both of their eyes were glossy, noses pink and hearts sore.  Junhoe sobbed loudly as Bobby nodded pulling him back over.  They fell over, but Bobby didn't let go.  His big hands gripped the back of Junhoe's head as he peppered kisses on his forehead. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry— I should have told you, I should have—"

"Shh, shh...everyone gets sad," Bobby whispered as he cradled Junhoe.  He set them up and rocked him a little, he looked at Junhoe's tear-slicked face and laughed softly, "You're not weird.  I promise you."

"But—"

"It's okay because I'm going to help you figure this out.  I just don't want to lose you, not now not ever.  I don't want you to let your sadness win," Bobby whispered and Junhoe hid his face in his hands as he sobbed tears of both relied and guilt.

"Thank you, Jiwon," Junhoe whispered.

The two calmed down after a long while.  Junhoe's stomach growled out and Bobby grinned at him as he pulled out their pizza boxes, fries, and the salad.

"Want to go to my place and chow down?" Bobby hummed and Junhoe nodded.  The older boy placed all the boxes and bags of food into Junhoe's lap, he rose and held him up making Junhoe beam.

"You're going to carry me?" Junhoe looked at him in disbelief.

"You're tired and I want you to understand that you can use me when you're tired," Bobby whispered.

"Like a pillow."

"Exactly." 


	3. 三

Bobby took a giant bite of a slice of cheese in the early morning of Saturday.  It was about 3 A.M. and Junhoe hadn't left his room since he walked into it. It was rather messy, but an organized mess if that was applicable. Shoes lined the walls in little cubbies and the empty ones held items that needed to be placed somewhere. There was clothes (they were clothes that were all over the floor) pile near the clothes that held a variety of the same types of clothes. And there was a big desktop that sat in the corner in front of the bed.

Junhoe's particular favorite was the big window beside his bed. It held a view of walkway towards the river and the city line. He had changed into one of Bobby's sweatshirts and shorts in hopes of getting comfy, which they were rather too good at because the moment he put them on he felt even more at home than he had before.

He even met his mother and father. They were kind and really liked Junhoe, said he was beautiful and that they were happy to house him.  Junhoe couldn't understand their kindness and was quite perplexed, so he fell to his hands and knees in utter worship and confusion.  Bobby dragged him out of there as quick as possible.

"Hey," Bobby poked his foot into Junhoe's leg bring the boy from staring out the window.  Holding up the giant slice in his hand, he pushed it forward with a suggestion, "Take a bite, you only ate a slice."

"Oh," Junhoe crawled over the small space between and let his slender fingers wrap around Bobby's hand and wrist, taking a bite of the pizza.  Sighing softly, he gave a smile to Bobby.

"You eat pizza like it's your last meal," Bobby joked, "You always eat like it's your last."

"Well—" It might, in fact, be the last.  Junhoe lowered his gaze and Bobby reached out tapping him, so Junhoe took another bite, "My parents don't stock the fridge much... I don't get pizza really, she says I'm already fat as is."

"Fat?" Bobby scoffed.  If anything, Junhoe was painfully skinny.  Bobby could do the math and figure out from Junhoe's height, his weight was nowhere how it  _should_  be for him to be clinically healthy.

"Don't you see it?" Junhoe asked softly as he pinched as it cheeks, "My cheeks are chubby, my thighs spill wide and—"

"It's cute," Bobby hummed as he leaned forward causing Junhoe's heart to jump into his throat, "The more for me to kiss."  And he did it, leaning forward giving an adoring kiss to Junhoe's thighs. It all around made Junhoe choke up with emotion, his face flushed pink with—well, he wasn't so sure what he felt, but it made him happy.

"I've never had anyone kiss me— I mean... so kindly," Junhoe whispered as he bit his lip, "My mother doesn't even kiss me like that."

"What about your dad, you don't talk about him much," Bobby whispered and Junhoe froze, tensing up at the mention of him.

Junhoe's father was... possibly the least loving of Junhoe's vindictive, manipulative, and hateful—oh-god were they hateful—family. And it was strange because he was the one who wanted Junhoe.

_"Yeijin, she really wants to be a big sister, you know?" Daeun, Jungho's wife, smiled to the adoption agent._

_"Well, we have all sorts of children," Chaewon grinned softly to them as they walked into the room of all children, "the babies are in a separate room."_

_"You all sorts? I can get a purple brother!" Yeijin cheered, but Chaewon shook her head and smiled. Squatting down she said,_

_"We have black babies— now, I don't think y'all want_ **_those_ ** _, but the interracial couples are really piling up—"_

_"Ah, they are, you have Chinese ones too?" Daeun asked._

_"All sorts of races, ethnicity and more! We can get you a big brother or sister, a little one— a baby, curly hair, straight," Chaewon smiled softly and Yeijin squealed._

_"Now, Yeijin we have to think about who we pick..." Started Daeun as she took her daughter's hand. Jungho wandered away from them, tired of their enthusiasm. He wanted to find his child—on his own. Screw his wife, screw his child._

_He gets the final say._

_So, he walked through the giant center like a predator searching for his prey. Little boys, little girls all playing enthusiastically, happily or What semblance they could find in each other. He could spot the bad ones, they were the ones trying to sit on the corners and some kid sat with them looking scared._

_He walked back towards the really small children, a five-year-old sat there.  He looked a messed and was not presentable— must have got through inspection undetected. They never let any of them come out showing their reminiscence of abuse.  The boy cowered at the sight of Jungho's gaze and he softens,_

_"Hey, honey! I found our kid!"_

"My daddy... he's cool," Junhoe whispered looking to Bobby after the pregnant pause.  Bobby laughed softly.

"Goodman?" Bobby offered and Junhoe stayed quiet.  Awkwardly they sat and Bobby cursed himself for stepping over the line, "Um— you religious?"

"Religion?" Junhoe laughed softly as Bobby fed him another of the pizza.

"Yeah, like God and stuff.  Like me, I'm a Christian— at least ever since I was born, I've always been in a church," Bobby grinned and Junhoe frowned up.

"I don't have a religion... I have faith, I think?  I don't think of God— I don't... I... more so, the Universe," Junhoe nodded slowly and Bobby grabbed his hands as he gave his full attention.

"I get that," Bobby whispered.

"Hyung, but mostly I don't think I believe in  _anything_ , there's not much for me to look up to," Junhoe sighed and shrugged, "Nobody out there loves me."

"Hey," Bobby whispered, bringing his hand up onto the side of Junhoe's face.  The tips of his fingers brushing up into the black locks of Junhoe's hair.  Junhoe let out a signed as he leaned into Bobby's touch, his hand smelled like pepperoni pizza, but it wasn't bothersome— rather comforting.  Bobby took his moment to stare at him, his thumb rubbing over Junhoe's cheekbone softly in a rhythmic motion.

It was like every moment Junhoe sat on the bridge during this springtime.  Letting the warmth give him an odd comfort even in its bothersome moments.  When it was a little too warm or—or too sunny.

Though Bobby wasn't too warm.  He wasn't too sunny.  There were no cold patches in him, nor was there any leftover snow.  What if he— Junhoe blinked softly as he reached up to grab his wrist.  He couldn't flutter away so easy, not like that.

"Don't talk like that," Bobby muttered as he grinned trying to lighten the mood, but Junhoe was tired.  It was hitting 3:30 A.M. and he hasn't slept, his stomach was full of two greasy slices of pizza and there was a boy in front of him that took him from the bridge at his lowest.  The smile couldn't find his lips, but maybe his eyes could convey his gratitude.  Sadly, the way Bobby sighed, he didn't think they did.

"I'm sleepy," Junhoe whispered and Bobby nodded as he rose, grabbing the boxes of pizza and put them onto the dresser.  Bobby came back with a look of apprehension and grabbed under Junhoe's arms.

"C'mere," Bobby whispered as he got into bed and pulled Junhoe on top of him.  Soft protests came from Junhoe, but then he was on top of him and Bobby's arms were around him.  The covers pulled over them and it all felt so—  _dreamy_.

"Hyung—"

"Shh, shh, go to sleep, yeah?" Bobby asked softly as he turned the light off and lowered them down.  His grip didn't lessen at all and it was possibly the safest Junhoe has  _ever_ felt.  Especially as he lay there listening to his heartbeat.

x

"How'd you boys sleep?" Hyung-Sik, Bobby's father, asked seeing the two coming out of Bobby's room. "Up early to have been up so late."

"I slept really good Kim-ssi," Junhoe bowed and beamed, "Thank you for opening your home to me on such short notice."

"Never a problem!" Jeongja called from the kitchen and came out with a smile, "Breakfast has just been finished my dear, you look comfortable."

"I apologize, Bobby wouldn't allow me to wear my clothes from yesterday," Junhoe pulled on the giant sleeves of Bobby's sweatshirt, the sweats hanging off of his hips. He looked like the clothes were swallowing his small, skinny frame.

"Damn right, I taught my son how to treat people, now come sit down with me! I want to know all about you," Hyung-Sik called and Junhoe gave a feeble smile.

"I was going to head home, so I can clean the clothes and get out of your hair," Junhoe bowed again as he brushed his hair back nervously.

"You thought you would get to leave?" Bobby asked with a laugh in his voice.

"Before having breakfast?" Jeongja yelled out and Junhoe looked around confused.

"Come on," Bobby gently took his arm and went to the dining table, leaning his ear he whispered into it, "they're good people, we're normal.  Don't be nervous."

"Okay," Junhoe nodded.  Bobby pulled the chair out for him and he sat, grinning to Hyung-Sik who put his tablet down and gave his undivided attention.

"Been a while since my son has brought someone so..."  Junhoe waited for something backhanded and downright rude, but instead heard, "amazing home." Hyung-Sik muttered as he reached a caring hand to Junhoe.  The boy looked at it with a glance of confusion and utter hesitance, but there was no ulterior motive behind the man's eyes and only welcoming.  It was something much different than any older man has ever shown Junhoe who took his hand.

"That's so kind of you Kim-ssi, please—"

"Call me uncle, call her aunt, yeah?" Hyung-Sik grinned and Junhoe nodded quickly.

"Here's the food!" Jeongja exclaimed as she laid the food.  There came before them short grilled ribs, bean sprout rice, cold cucumber soup, and radish strip kimchi.  Bobby smiled to his mother and reached to grab at a plate only for his hand to be smacked.

"Ow!  What?" Bobby whined making Junhoe giggle looking across at him.  Bobby stuck his tongue out playfully.

"Junhoe, do you and your family pray?" Jeongja whispered as she reached over towards Junhoe's hand and then gave a soft squeeze.

"I—I, well, no," Junhoe shook his head feeling bashful, "We're not religious."

"Well, you don't have to pray with us," Jeongja offered, but Junhoe shook his head quickly.

"No, no—I would like to join you in prayer," Junhoe softly smiled and Jeongja grinned to him.

"What a wonderful boy you've brought home to me, Jiwon," Jeongja remarked to Bobby who reached out as they took hands.

"Lead us in prayer, why don't you son?" Hyung-Sik questioned and Bobby nodded.  The three lowered their heads and Junhoe looked around at them confused.

"Junhoe put your head down," Bobby laughed softly and Junhoe gasped and lowered his head, listening to Bobby speak, "Hey God—Universe— we come to you today happy because you've brung Junhoe into our lives—"

"Amen to that," The parents responded with a hum.

"Please allow him to have happiness... to let him get whatever he needs from us.  Let him know our hearts, our home, it's open to him—all of it.  I really,  _really_  like him.  Keep him safe, well-fed and as blessed as we are to have him here today with us.  So, let this meal be the first of many.  Let us be filled and happy. Amen," Bobby ended and the parents responded the same.

"Amen," Junhoe whispered as he watched them rub their son's shoulders.  They reached out and looked to Junhoe.

"Tell us what you want sweetie," Jeongja remarked.

"Oh," Junhoe muttered and talked lowly.

He could get used to this, looking at how Bobby grinned at him. Truly, he could get used to it.

Later on, after breakfast and a long while of watching old dramas with Hyung-Sik and Jeongja. Junhoe was finally walking his block back home with Bobby in tow. Their hands were brought together in a comfortable hold. 

"Your parents are so great, have I said that before?" Junhoe asked softly and Bobby laughed as he nodded.

"A few times," Bobby agreed, "Honestly they love you so much."

"I think I love them too," Junhoe blushed as he nodded. 

"Can I walk you up?" Bobby asked and Junhoe looked to his building to see Yeijin peeking from the blinds.

"No," Junhoe whispered taking his bag. "It's okay."

"I want to do this again, you know?  Me at your place—or—or you at mine.  I like being with you," Bobby put an arm around Junhoe's waist and Junhoe instinctively leaned into him. 

"Me too," Junhoe mumbled, "Hyung, you go to church tomorrow right?"

"Yeah," Bobby muttered.

"Can I come?" Junhoe stepped back as he gave him a smile and Bobby nodded quickly.

"Donghyuk comes too— we're kind of church boys.  He'd love that— I'd love that," Bobby murmured.

"I can't wait," Junhoe laughed softly.

"Wear whatever you want, there is no dress code, okay?" Bobby asked and Junhoe nodded, "I'm free if you want to hang out again."

"I don't know, but if I have the time— yeah," Junhoe nodded as he swung his bag around his back and turned away, "Get home safe."

"It's a 7-minute walk, I'll be fine," Bobby chuckled and Junhoe laughed as he went in.  The happy feeling drained him completely.  What was once the warm spring weather was now a cold, stale, and stuffy lobby.  Rundown and basically degrading. 

His feet went without his need to even think about it, opening the door of his home.  He remembered how different it was from Bobby's.  It was drab and lifeless, takeout boxes all over and no food in the fridge.  Yeijin sat in the good part of their couch, glaring at Junhoe.

"You little f—"

"Don't try and recognize me now,  _noona_ ," Junhoe scoffed as he looked around.

"Momma wants this house spotless when she gets home.  All dishes, trash, clothes, walls— EVERYTHING," Yeijin snapped. "So, don't think about running off with whoever the fuck that was."

"You could do something, these are the golden years of my life!" Junhoe yelled out.

"Does it look like I give a damn?" Yeijin stood up as she looked at her phone. "Do as I say or I'll snitch to daddy about that little boyfriend.  And we wouldn't want that, now would we?"

Junhoe stood there staring at her in shock.  Either she never paid attention to him or she was ready to ruin his life.  So, of course, he nodded. 

"Yes," Junhoe answered.

"Now get to cleaning," Yeijin chirped as she went to her room and slammed the door shut behind her. 

Junhoe bit back a sob and walked over to the blinds.  Just to take a glance out and a moment before the work himself to exhaustion, only to see Bobby still there. 

"Sorry!  I just— I just miss you!" Bobby yelled and Junhoe smiled, his tears ran freely now as he waved watching him go.

If only everything in his life could make him feel like Bobby did.  Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't want to die so much.  If only.


	4. 四

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junhoe goes with Bobby to church and things get way out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long, but things happened, but hopefully, I'm back.

Junhoe was excited about church.  His oversized white sweater with lilac purple spreading up the hands hung over his black pants. He put on his nice dress shoes that happened to be tattered-old grey Sperrys. Beggars couldn't be choosers. He even risked it by stealing his sister's blush and mascara, just to give himself some life in his face. And of course, Junhoe picked up his bag.  The vibrant blue and yellow were nice to contrast his outfit.

Junhoe took a deep breath as he looked around, both of his parents were fast asleep and his sister was missing in action.  It was far too early for any of them to be up either way. 

Junhoe pumped his fist happily as he saw a pair of silver hoop earrings sitting on the kitchen counter.  They were in the mess of takeout boxes his folks brought home last night and he knew they wouldn't even notice their disappearance.  They were small but dainty.  Junhoe liked that.

As he hastily put the earrings in he checked the fridge and cabinets to see nothing edible in sight.   _What a surprise, wow._ Junhoe rolled his eyes as he made a note to go grocery shopping before someone could yell at him to do so. Looking about the plain and dingy home, Junhoe checked himself once more in the mirror and decided to throw on a white headband to push his hair back and with that he was out the door, shooting Bobby a text.

It was a chilly Spring day and as Junhoe took in a deep breath of the air, it just filled him with a new sense of self. The sun was peeking out from behind white fluffy clouds, determined to make itself known sooner or later on this Sunday. Junhoe looked up at the sky, letting what little sun rays come down and kiss at his face. Oddly enough, it made him warm inside... like when Bobby smiled at him. That made him feel really... happy.

Junhoe laughed quietly to himself as he, now, knocked on Bobby's doors.

"Hello, how are you, my darling today?"  Bobby asked as he leaned on the doorframe of his house.   Junhoe snorted as he covered his mouth as he shook his head.

"My  _darling_?" Junhoe teased, "You're such a sap!"

"Shut up," Bobby laughed as he moved forward pulling Junhoe into a hug making the younger flush, "Missed you."

"You smell nice," Junhoe whispered over his shoulder as he took a deep breath of Bobby's scent.  Stepping back he looked him over and said softly, "And look nice too."

"Really?" Bobby questioned with a  grin as he looked down at himself, "Just something I threw on."  He had on a white shirt that read ' **LOVE AND FALL** ' and a red flannel on top with black jeans.  Paired with it was a silver chain and he had some diamond studs in. 

"Yeah, hope I look okay," Junhoe whispered and Bobby grinned wide as he grabbed his arms.

"You look great!" Bobby exclaimed, "So pretty, those earrings are so beautiful on you."

"O-Oh," Junhoe reached up to the hoops and looked down, "I borrowed them."

"And you did your make up?  Geez, it's just church," Bobby teased as he reached down and grabbed Junhoe's hand, "Mom! Dad! We're ready!"

"Good morning, Juneya!" Hung-Sik yelled out as he came out, tying his tie.  He grinned wide at Junhoe and reached out to hug him, which the boy gladly accepted, "Happy my son brought you back.  We missed you!"

"We sure did!  I made you Jasmine tea, hopefully, you like it," Jeongja said as she handed Junhoe a pink thermos.  He just looked at her with wide eyes and nodded. 

"I love Jasmine tea," Junhoe said in a hushed tone.

"Your make-up looks cute dear," Jeongja enthused and leaned forward kissing his forehead, "We're so happy you're joining us."

"Happy to be apart," Junhoe stated and the family just laughed joyfully.  He just sipped his tea as he followed behind Bobby to get into the car.

X

"We're here," Jeongja said as she turned around to face the boys, "Bobby will be so happy to show you around."

"Don't we have to sit down?" Junhoe asked with wide eyes.

"We came a bit early and anyways, Bobby sits with his friends," Jeongja said, "But you can always sit with us if you feel uncomfortable."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, okay son?" Hung-Sik questioned and Junhoe nodded.

"Good, have fun boys," Jeongja said and nervously, Junhoe turned to see Bobby outside of his door waiting with a big grin. Shakily, Junhoe opened the door and before he knew it his hand was taken by Bobby and they were running.

"Bobby!" Junho yelled with laughter in his voice.

"'Scuse us, 'scuse us," Bobby muttered as he pushed through the people, "Look, this is the lobby."

"This is a lo—Wha—" Junhoe was being snatched away before he could even fully look around the large entry room with a high ceiling and white plastered walls with many paintings of different forms of Christ.  

"This is the gathering room."

"What's that—WHA—"

"This is the bathroom!"

"So big—"

"Kitchen!"

"Wo—"

"Event room!"

"I didn't kn—Bobby—"

"Back doors!"

"I don't see how this is—"

"The classrooms!"

"There's a test!?"

"And this—"

"Bobby, please stop," Junhoe panted as he put his hands on his knees, "I saw literally nothing."

"That's not true," Bobby argued, "You saw the kitchen, the bathroom, the event room--"

"Well, yeah at a glance!" Junhoe shouted and Bobby furrowed his eyebrows as he scratched his head.

"Maybe...I'm a little excited," Bobby sighed, "Sorry, I can show you around again."

"No, no... I rather just take a seat," Junhoe muttered and leaned against Bobby making the older chuckle at him. "And it's okay, I'm excited to be here."

"I hope Pastor Lee will be even better today," Bobby whispered, "God, he's so cool, Junhoe."

"Isn't it like a sin to say God like that?" Junhoe asked, "And in the house OF God too?"

"Eh... I dunno," Bobby shrugged his shoulders and turned to Junhoe, "Hey, but I mean it... I'm glad you're here... with me."

"Oh, Bob—"

"Is that my best friend?" The familiar voice rang in Junhoe's ears.  He hadn't seen him since, well, that Friday night when things fell apart so fast.  

"Donghyuk," Bobby turned his head and then scoffed, "Let's go."

"No, Bobby—J-Junhoe... I am so sorry," Donghyuk came near, his voice was full of sorrow and sadness.  It reminded Junhoe of this day, how the cold outweighed the sun's rays on this spring day.  Was Donghyuk the sun or maybe it was Bobby and his friends and their beliefs were the wind coming to overpower his beautiful rays?  

What was Junhoe then?  A flower, probably, blooming and wilting under the unstable sun and faulty weather.  He'd die this spring if things didn't change up.

"You've done enough damage," Bobby spat, "You sat there and tried to... to word things over like you always do."

"What do you mean?" Donghyuk cried out in confusion, "I don't word things over."

"Yeah you do, you try and make others feel small and insignificant with your words to make what you say make sense, but it doesn't!  Trying to generalize people, to lump me in with you guys," Bobby bickered as he turned away from Junhoe.

"I just... I didn't know what to say," Donghyuk whispered.

"And that's also the problem because either you say too much with your manipulative words—president— or you do nothing at all," Bobby responded, "I thought you liked Junhoe."

"I do!" Donghyuk exclaimed as he looked at Junhoe and reached out for him, "I like you so much... You're so pretty and so funny, and god so smart.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't speak up, I'm sorry for what I said."

"I..." Junhoe looked at his hands and slowly reached out as he grabbed them, "I think you're beautiful too."

"I was just so scared and I don't know what to say, I'm just a teenager who happens to be the president of the student council, that doesn't make me better than anybody," Donghyuk cried gently and Junhoe nodded, but Bobby... he wasn't convinced.  

"Let's go sit down," Bobby hissed.

"Our Pastor, he's really good.  He's a Caucasian man from America, he taught himself Korean to help bring the word of God here," Donghyuk started to explain to Junhoe who just nodded with big eyes as he listened.  As Donghyuk kept on and on, they made it to some seats in a pew. 

"These a good," Bobby whispered, "Come on," He pulled Junhoe down, as a comfort tactic, Junhoe wrapped his arm around Bobby's with a smile.

"It's about to begin! Oh, you're gonna love it, Ju!" Donghyuk yelled making Junhoe grin.

"Okay," Junhoe whispered and looked up as the music began.  He already liked that a lot.  Soon, he was up and standing with the boys as they danced to the march in song of the choir.  There was a lot of them, but then again they had a very big church too.  About 150 people could be seated in this sanctuary. 

"Hello, Good morning church!" Pastor Lee exclaimed.  A murmur of greetings bubbled from the pews in response. 

"I think he's balding," Bobby snickered.

"He should let it go," Donghyuk agreed.

"Time to let this little light shine on his head," Bobby muttered making Junhoe snort and Donghyuk fall over in his seat.

"Now! I see some new faces! So, before I begin, why don't we have our guests stand?" Pastor Lee stated and Junhoe stopped as he looked at Bobby.

"You don't have to if you don't want," Bobby assured.  Junhoe nodded happily as he turned his head and watched the microphone go around to people.  Telling the congregation their name and if they had a church home and what brings them.

"Ah, yes and seems we have a shy little girl here," Pastor Lee turned his attention to Junhoe who flushed red as he turned away from him.  "Now, don't be shy young miss."

"This is my friend!  He isn't a girl!" Bobby yelled up and Pastor Lee chuckled.

"Well, looky here, we got us a girl looking boy, stand up and tell us why you look like a little sissy, boy," The pastor teased and Junhoe felt so uncomfortable, especially because the church was buzzing with laughter.  Soon, someone was shoving a microphone to him, so he stood and the pastor clicked his tongue, "Ain't that precious?  She's got little sweater paws."

"M-My name is... K-Koo Junhoe," He shakily spoke into the microphone, but all he could hear was the laughing and snickering.  Is this church?  Why were they being so cruel?

"Uh-huh, tell us, why are you wearing those earrings son?  And that dress?" The pastor questioned.

"It's a sweater and-and I liked the earrings," Junhoe mumbled, "I don't have a faith, not really, but I came with Kim Hung-Sik's family."

"Hung-Sik, this is what your boy's doing?" Pastor Lee laughed as he turned away from Junhoe, "Well, better segway into my sermon today.  The world is getting too comfortable with people like our dear Junhoe.  Flaunting their sin and treachery around like some philanderers."

"Yeah!" The congregation was cheering and Junhoe felt sick.  He sank down back into his spot and immediately Bobby and Donghyuk were trying to make sure he was okay, but he wasn't.  He wasn't welcomed here.

"I don't know why I came," Junhoe whispered.

"He was so wrong, I never knew he was like that," Bobby started, "I'm so sorry he made fun of you like that.  I don't condone this, I don't agree with his message.  You're so—"

"Why did you bring me here?" Junhoe's voice cracked as he gazed up at Bobby now, "Why did you bring me to someplace I'm not welcomed?  First, school, then your friends, and now here?"

"Junhoe, it's not like that—"

"If you're someone who dresses like a female, but you're a man.  If you are some female that dresses like a man— if you are a man who desires other men or a woman who desires the touch of another woman! Come up now and be saved, so you can be right for God!" Pastor Lee's voice boomed and there were some stirs as people began to push others up.  Junhoe was shaking now, tears rushing down his face.

How could someone preach like this?

"You are wrong in this world and we can make you right!" Pastor Lee exclaimed and that seemed to be the last straw for Bobby as he shot up and hollered,

"You're wrong!  Nobody is made wrong!  Nobody!  I promise you, pastor—no, _Lee,_ that God made me like this for a reason!  That God wanted me to go out there and find a man that I could love just like how my father went to find a woman to love.  If I want to wear a dress, I'll wear a dress and you'll deal with it!  Because guess what, I'm not hurting anybody!  If you want to preach the good word, talk about all the oppression our black community in Korea goes through, talk about the hunger, talk about the orphans!  Talk about something that makes sense instead of blowing smoke out of your ass!  My God, my God loves me and I'm just right," Bobby spat and looked down at Junhoe, "Let's bounce, darling."

"Hung-Sik, you just gonna let your son talk to me like that?" Pastor Lee turned to Bobby's parents, but they were already up and walking.  And ironically, other people were too.

"I sure am, Patrick, I sure am," Hung-Sik smiled, "I hope you get a hug someday, maybe then you'll learn about love."

"Hey!  Don't walk out on me!  God will show you!  He will show you al—"

"Church is like that?" Junhoe asked as he dropped into their car.  Donghyuk was busy dabbing at Junhoe's face and giggled, "Not all the time."

"Guess we just got two hours of free time," Jeongja sighed, "And need a new church home."

"Let's worry about that later, how about burgers for breakfast boys?" Hung-Sik asked causing Bobby and Donghyuk to cheer loudly.  Looking down at Junhoe in the rearview mirror, "It's on me for the brave boy who faced that bully.  Nothing can stop you."

"Oh-oh... than-thank you, uncle," Junhoe flushed as he wiped his eyes again, "I have a favor... I need to get groceries for my family, can we also get those too?"

"We can make it a family day," Jeongja said with a grin, "But Junhoe, shouldn't your parents be doing that?  I heard you clean nonstop and—"

"My parents just work really hard, auntie," Junhoe laughed nervously.

"Understandable," Jeongja smiled and looked ahead, "Off to burgers we go!"

Junhoe let out a sigh of relief as he leaned over into Bobby and grabbed his arm.  Donghyuk smiled softly as he looked at them and just began to talk to Bobby's folks.  

"Thanks for standing up for me," Junhoe whispered.

"It's what I live for," Bobby chuckled as he snuck down and gave a soft kiss to Junhoe's forehead making the boy hold tighter to his arm.  And then he whispered a gentle, "darling."

"You need to stop calling me that," Junhoe giggled as he looked up at Bobby only for him to be gazing down at him.

"I hope burgers are okay,  I know it's not church, but... we saw how that went" Bobby gave a lopsided grin and Junhoe blushed for what felt like the hundredth time today.

"Anything with you is more than okay," Junhoe bit his lip as he dropped his head back onto Bobby's shoulder.

"Uncle, Auntie! Bobby and Junhoe are flirting!"

"Donghyuk!"


End file.
